Souza kisses Isadora’s fingers as she and Metcalf prepare to take her out of the bath on Jan. 1, 2021. Playing in the water during bath time is one of Isadora’s favorite activities.
Isadora has separation anxiety when apart from her mother and has a very difficult time sleeping, making putting her down for bed often a laborious process. Souza lays next to her in her play pen and sings her a lullaby in Portuguese to help her fall asleep.
Souza laughs at Isadora’s reaction to seeing her wearing a face mask on Jan. 17, 2021. Babies recognize and learn so much through facial expressions, and Isadora sometimes gets confused, thinking her mom is playing a game of peek-a-boo.
Souza feeds Isadora breakfast on Nov. 19, 2020. While Souza was pregnant, the umbilical cord was not functioning properly, so Isadora was not receiving all the vital nutrients she needed to continue to grow and develop and had to be induced early. She believes that is the reason why Isadora is seemingly always hungry and so food-motivated.
Souza shows her family via FaceTime the harmonica Metcalf got her for Christmas as Isadora plays with his Christmas lights necklace. Although it was just the three of them, Souza did her best to make Isadora’s first Christmas feel special.
Souza tries to console her daughter and stop her crying in their living room. The hardest part about raising Isadora is the worrying, Souza said. The constant physical and emotional exhaustion and inability to get anything done weighs heavily, and she admits it’s been a lot of learning.
Souza uses FaceTime to show Isadora to her immediate family in Brazil in November. It is difficult for Souza’s parents to watch their first grandchild grow up over phone screen, but Souza looks forward to giving them daily updates on Isadora.
As Souza prepares Isadora’s meals for the week, Metcalf tries to soothe her to stop crying and go back to sleep.
Souza caresses Isadora’s head after she wore herself out from playing. “I slept with a flashlight under my pillow all the time, because if she made any noise I’d check,” Souza said. “And then if she didn’t make any noise, I’d check. It was so tiring and overwhelming.”
Souza leaves St. John’s Health on Feb. 25 after her last shift, with goodies from her co-workers in hand. After months of being unable to find child care for Isadora, Souza opted to leave her job as a lab tech for something where she could work from home in order to take care of Isadora. “I prefer it this way,” Souza said. “But it makes me sad that in a way ... I’m sacrificing my career.”
Souza supports Isadora while she uses a chair to pull herself up to stand. Souza loves watching Isadora grow and explore and seeing her personality develop, but her gaining independence is bittersweet. In many ways, the pandemic has stripped away our ability to connect and deepen our relationships with those around us, so Souza has poured all her love and affection into her new daughter. Souza says she needs Isadora just as much as her daughter needs her.
Isadora plays with bubbles for the first time on the family’s back porch on March 18, 2021. It is rare for Isadora to leave the house, so Souza likes to take her outside where she can explore and nurture her curiosity in a way that’s safe.
Metcalf and Souza help Isadora eat a piece of birthday cake that Souza made while friends and family celebrate her first birthday via Zoom call on March 6, 2021.
Souza and James Metcalf take Isadora for a swim at the Teton County/Jackson Recreation Center on March 7, a day after her first birthday. Isadora loves playing in the bath, so they decided taking her to the pool would be a good opportunity for her to safely see other people while learning a new skill.
Souza embraces Isadora after the baby successfully crawled across the floor and stood up with assistance from Souza on Dec. 17. “It’s been hard, but it’s been good,” Souza said. “It’s almost as if she has always been here in a way ... I don’t think I could imagine life without her.”